I can tuck mytits in my pants
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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