What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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