yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
