I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
