This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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