I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
