Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If I die, sorry about rent.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
