So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
