he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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