I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
