I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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