Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
