RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
