you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently you make a good broom.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
