1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
