Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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