yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
