is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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