i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
