Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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