He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
