Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
