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i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
