I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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