nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
