The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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