i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You pole danced in your parka.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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