I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
