This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
