What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We left the knife in your bed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
