You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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