id be glad to
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
