Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
