Your face is a jimmy john
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
