you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
