What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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