In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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