CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
