Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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