He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
