I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
