so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
