Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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