It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
