I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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