Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
