apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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