I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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