No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
