fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
