Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
