Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
